Your "People Pleasing" Capacity Lowers as You Age. Here's 5 Tips on How to Get There Quicker.

You've seen it before. Older people not giving a single shit about what anyone thinks or feels about them. But why should we wait to embrace who we are until we're older?

"Who you are and what you do shouldn't be based on how others feel about you"

Tolerance goes down as you age, and I'm sure there's some study that proves it. If you're feeling stuck in this in-between space where you're tired of taking people's shit but you're also a chronic, life-long people pleaser than this is for you. I'm not telling you to throw common sense to the wind and never give a damn about what anyone says or thinks, but it's time to start using your better judgement when you decide what gets to seep into your pores and what gets washed off during your rainstorm.

We inherently want people to like us and accept us so we oftentimes strive for the validation of others at the cost of ourselves - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. We say "yes" to going to college when we really just want to bake cakes. We say "yes" to plans with people we don't really want to spend time with. We say "yes" when our boyfriend tells us we need to change our outfit because he doesn't like it. We say "yes" to ideas that we really think are terrible. But what happens if we start saying "no"? And what happens if we start saying no earlier in life than when we're 80 and old and dying?

Take a look below at these five tips to lower your tolerance capacity and start living more authentically quicker.

Tip #1 - Ask yourself, "is this something that benefits my life"?

Sadly, we don't place the same value on ourselves that we place on others opinions and perceptions of who we are and what we do. Asking yourself if something benefits your life can sound very selfish to someone who has never attempted to place that boundary, but it is anything but selfishness. When you're deciding whether to start something new, say yes to a commitment, stay with a spouse, or any other potentially life changing event (big or small), you need to be asking this question.

If it doesn't benefit you, it's not for you. Your desire to change something should stem from your wants and needs, and it's okay to say that.

Tip #2 - Stop shrinking to fit into a circle when you're a square

Have you ever felt like you were completely out of place or shouldn't be somewhere but you stayed anyway? When you walk into a room and the energy shifts and you can 100% tell that you were just being talked about? Yeah, I have to and it freaking sucks.

I've stayed in several rooms (literally and metaphorically) that I knew I shouldn't stay in but yet I plopped my ass on the couch just to not cause any waves. And let me tell you something, once you decide to quit putting you ass in places it doesn't belong, it's so incredibly liberating. Stop squeezing yourself into a circle just because everyone else is a circle. Be a god damn square.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." – Maya Angelou

Tip #3 - Quit asking for permission

Opportunities will come and go constantly during your life time. You'll agree to some you shouldn't have and turn down others you should have jumped at. And a lot of the time, you're likely asking everyone else their opinions on what you should do prior to really sitting with yourself and sorting the facts first.

Unfortunately, in my experience, asking for other opinions or for permission first has historically clouded my judgement. If you really need help with a decision, feel free to ask whoever you need to buy I urge you to try and come to a conclusion before you bring others into your space. Walk into a conversation with a statement rather than a question mark!

Tip #4 - Shine a bright light directly on yourself

This one hurts and is truthfully one the hardest part of this whole process. I can tell you now, it surely was for me! I needed to really dive into my own thoughts and dissect why I had spent so many years worried about please other people prior to myself. Everyone's answer here is completely different and there is no correct answer.

Ultimately, I ended up coming to the conclusion that I felt like I had to gain everyone's support BEFORE I decided to do something, go somewhere, be something, etc. That I wasn't capable of making a sound decision without the input of 378958749 other viewpoints. That I didn't trust myself to come to the right conclusion for what's best for me.

Sounds crazy, but this is so common and something that only you can address for yourself.

Tip #5 - Forgive yourself

Wooo baby. We're going out with a bang here.

Forgiveness is one of the hardest emotions human beings have to deal with. It's so hard to know that someone has pushed you to a place where you feel like you can't trust them anymore, but it's actually quite easier to forgive someone else.

Realizing that people pleasing started with me was what essentially helped me see the glaring truth. Although there are many people who almost demanded they be included in every decision I made in my life, I had to realize that I let them. I let them speak out of pocket. I let them force me into letting my thoughts leave my mouth before I was ready. I let them decide.

So, please, do yourself the biggest favor and forgive yourself for letting them.

You only get one shot at this life.

Living authentically with your own interests in mind first you need to forgive yourself, quit asking for permission, and chose what benefits your life without feeling selfish.

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